Some Lessons for the Singles

I thought with Valentines day just down the road, I would rework something I once wrote when I was in my single years and everyone else was in pairs. We sometimes forget in our marital bliss what a challenge walking out singleness and waiting for ‘the one’ was. Looking back now that I have tasted of the fruit of waiting and trusting, I can say that I firmly stand on these lessons that I learnt in my singleness.

Back in the day I was in the center of some hectic adjustments in some close friends lives, I’m talking about some serious GODLY ORDAINED PAIRING, not just hook ups. My first reaction then was: ¨Lord don’t forget me.¨ LOL! I was more than happy where I was at the time until God responded. Don’t you just love those moments where you say something and forget that God still listens whether you meant it or not. 

Instead of throwing a pity party for being the last of the singles, I chose to observe and draw from those around me, taking tips and all to be prepared. 

Choosing a partner is a tough choice if you following God because whether you want to believe it or not there is a specific for everyone. Why do I say this? If you put in a request by God telling Him what you want, He starts working on it. That becomes something specific. The more specific you are the better. Some people make lists while others just casually say something and forget that God listens. Either way you ask for something one of a kind you going to get it. Our problem is we substitute our own request because we not patient enough to wait or our hormones and emotions over ride our spirit and then when things don’t work out we have extra baggage to deal with. 

I was a list maker and every time someone came along that looked like they ticked all the boxes, there would always be one empty box. In those moments I remember the Holy Spirit presenting with the choice to wait or settle. I chose to wait against how I felt every time and it wasn’t always easy.

He reminded me that His word tells us that we need to be equally yoked meaning if you on fire, your partner must be on fire. What does the devil do? He gives us the thought that we can save that person or its ok we can carry the other person along but God says NOOOOOOOOO. I asked why and he gave me a simple example …..

If you take boiling water and add lukewarm water or cold water, you bring the temperature down where as when you add hot water to hot water the heat remains consistent. Hectic!!!!

Then I asked God how do you know if the person is the right one because I was caught in my own fear of picking the wrong one as I had seen people pair with the wrong partner and their fire faded. Perfect ground for deceit here as it put me in a place where I chose to rather be single for the rest of my life lest I lose my fire for God (Insane thoughts I know lol) Trust me the last time I chose someone it wasted 2yrs of my life and the only good thing that came from it was knowing ALL the characteristics of Mr WRONG (can I get an AMEN from the ladies that know what I’m talking about!!!) Back to the point here . . . . . . .

Gods answer was simply this . . . . . . . . if the fact that the person matches your request or any word you might have received about a partner isn’t enough to convince you then just know MY PEACE. There will be a peace that will come over you that you yourself cannot fight and being with that person makes you feel like a better person without them doing anything. There is just something in you that pushes you to be a better person as if it were a preparation period or something, I repeat again though . . . . THAT PERSON DIDNT DO ANYTHING to make you do that. just their presence. I wish I had a better way to explain this but I suppose those that need this will understand. As cliché as it goes, YOU WILL KNOW. Be wary not to confuse peace with your hormones.

Here are just a few other things I have learnt in y own experience through those around me;

To the ladies ………..

Wait for the man that values you for who you are first and not what you can give. If you struggle with that its because you don’t value who you are. Hard to think but very true. I’m talking from a place of master’s degree here. If he cannot give you the attention in public that he gives you in private, he is not worth it. 

Let him pursue you! Scriptures speak of ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing’ meaning he actually needs to look for you. Don’t be surprised if he is hiding in plain sight. I was so caught up in my own pursuit, I could have missed my husband completely and end up with a half promised life. 

I know as women for some of us the priority is to get a man that has it all before we marry them (car, money, job etc) God says value the man for his fruits and his character because its a test of your character. Remember we have nothing to really give God but He still wants us!!!!!. A MAN AFTER GODS OWN HEART IS THE KEY SEARCH.

I ask you this ladies . . . . If he has the characteristics you after and you feel like a princess in his presence without him having done anything and you have prayed and God has stamped it and confirmed it and you just can’t deny it THEN WHAT IS KEEPING YOU BACK??????

To the gents . . . . . . .

I know for the sake of a mans ego you feel the need to want to be a success to support and take care of the woman you would like to be with but if you find some one that fits Gods profile for you and she wants you while you feel you have nothing material to give her just yet, take her because if a woman will have you while you feel you have nothing then she is worth everything and she will be the key that unlocks who God wants you to become because she sees the potential in you and will release that blessing which you seek. If you have all the success, you can become vulnerable to attracting pertners that were never meant for you. (generalizing here). If waiting for the success is the case, you might never get there cause your partner might be the key!!! 

Lets not forget

We don’t stop growing just because we are now in a relationship. If you are in the right one, you grow even faster! You have to get to a place where you are whole first, complete, lacking nothing and then you get some one who is equal to that and then God strengthens your ministry. I now realize that as great as what my destiny is prophesied to be, I will only reach the peak of it with my partner why???? GOD DID NOT DESTINED US TO BE ALONE!!!

For all the really single people out there, I mean the ones that don’t have an idea of who, where, what, how much etc lol and you are where I was a few years ago where you are consistently hitting a brick wall . . . . . . God is still working on you!!!! Jesus has not been in every room in your house if you catch my drift. 


If who or what you seek becomes more important than God, then you not going to get there with ease. God will test that because He wants to know that even if you don’t get what you ask for, you will still serve Him with the same fire.

Tip; If you get stuck, talk to God He does have the answer and the word says whatever you lack of just ASK.

Wow thats alot to swallow and I could go deeper but sadly this is for you to search on your own. I hope whoever needs this receives this.

WARNING; The devil is aware of the danger we bring if we find our partners and he will do EVERYTHING to stop it from happening. His greatest tool is FEAR. Think about it if you in a place of deciding!!!

If this has challenged you and you don’t know why I strongly suggest you ask God to show you because He wants to do something!!!

Happy Waiting!!!

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